i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize