she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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