we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
40s are totally the cure
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
