She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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