Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
