plz talk dirty to me
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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