...so i touched it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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