I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize