and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You're like the curious george of whores
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
