I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize