FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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