She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
