so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
