he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
