he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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