I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
