Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
