Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
