I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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