his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
