How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
