Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
