The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
