I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
