Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
