no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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