3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Randomize
