im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
