Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I want a musical about memes.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
