Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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