see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize