i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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