i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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