I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
