Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
