My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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