My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
