On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
