Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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