no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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