Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize