How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
