I'm lost and stupid without you.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
