it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
