Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
