i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
