Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i dont even know how to be here
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
