I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
