First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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