Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
