i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
