no, he came in my armpit
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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