pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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