I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
