Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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