turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
