i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
