I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
