Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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