I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
