I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Your dad touched me again.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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