Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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