I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
