"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
