Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
