I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
